Right,
so now we are as ready as we can be with our interests all chalked out and our
profiles posted. It is perfect picture. It is almost like being seated alone at
this posh restaurant, dressed to kill, with a glass of champagne in one hand
and the other hand swung over the back of the chair. You have a smile on your
lips, a twinkle in your eye and an invitation on your face.
So
what happens next? This person who appears to be the perfect match for you
catches your eye and saunters towards you. Now what do you do? Please remember
that the description above was pertaining to a virtual environment. In effect,
what we meant is that while you spend time idling in a chat room, this is the
mood that you are going to generate.
So
what happens when a person takes the cue and starts chatting? Well, that really
is an intelligent question. I would like to make one thing straight over here.
The Internet is like any other highway. It is not safe until you get to know
your way around. So what I would suggest would be to trust your instincts and
proceed with caution. You can sound like a very warm person but please be
extremely cautious about giving out any personal information.
Nicknames and Pet names
Let
the other person know that you would prefer to be known by the handle you use
or even better, you could tell the person to call you a pet name but let the
person know that it is indeed a pet name, because at a later date, if the
relationship really blossoms it doesn’t look nice if you have to say something
like, “Gee, I’m sorry, but my name isn’t really Janice, it is Heptullah, I
guess I lied to you.”
The best thing in this case would be to let your self be known
by the name of some celebrity. You could call yourself Cinderella or Pocahontas
or Archie, or Betty or Veronica. The chatting has now begun and you can start
exchanging information. Keep to the general and stay away from the specific.
Helping your Memory
The human brain is indeed a remarkable thing. It is capable of
storing and processing such a wide range of information that even a
supercomputer would shy away when compared to it. But due to the virtual
explosion of information, our memories have become very selective.
This means that we cannot recollect everything that we hear or
see. Do not trust your memory too much when it comes to chatting over the net.
You might meet a lot of people over the net and you might chat with a couple of
them. So eventually it might become difficult to remember all of them and their
details as well.
Or even worse than that is that you might become confused and
mix up details. It would look bad for you if you call a person the wrong name,
or ask the person the wrong details. In such cases where you have been chatting
with a number of persons, for heaven’s sake jot down the details about each
person separately or create separate files for each person ad store them in
your computer.
When you add them to your friends list use handles or nicknames
that can help you remember the person the moment you start chatting at a later
date.
Now, in case you do not really remember the person, then it is
unadvisable to play the guessing game. The other person might get very offended
if you say something like, “Is it Sarah or Mary?”
In such cases when you have a genuine lapse of memory, the best
thing to do is to be honest with the person and say, “I know we chatted the
other day, but I’m terribly sorry, can you please refresh my memory about you?”
Small Talk
There are few topics that are best for the initial talks so
that an intimacy is not developed and at the same time you do not have to
struggle for matters of common interest. You can talk about the weather,
sports, movies, music and even food.
But at the same it is in bad taste to discuss religion,
politics and family matters in the initial stages. You can crack jokes but
dirty jokes are an absolute no-no at least in the first few talks.
Once you have talked more than once or twice and you feel
comfortable with the person you can give the person your e-mail address but
remember this is the first step towards virtual intimacy so you have to trust
your instincts and nothing else. This takes things out of the public chat rooms
and into the private inboxes.
Beware of Instant Intimacy
There are many people who feel that e-mail will never have the
warmth or the personal touch of the old-fashioned letters and cards that people
used to send through the postal service. That may be true but e-mail has an
advantage of the here and the now.
Because you are aware of the fact that the person you are
chatting is reaching out to you in the same way as you are reaching out to that
person, there is a tendency for an intimacy to build up even before you know
it.
The medium ceases to be the deciding factor and when a person
presses you for information which you have to supply immediately you might let
certain details slip out unless you are well prepared.
You have to be on your guard all the time and keep constantly
reminding your self that the person you are chatting with is, after all a
stranger and a goodness-knows-what. The best thing that you could do is avoid
instant intimacy altogether.
It doesn’t really matter if the other person finds you cold or
reserved, you can easily solve that by telling the other person that it takes sometime
for you to become comfortable with a person. That in fact is a good quality
because it is as good as saying, “Well, I’m sorry I’m not the loose kind who
plays around.”
There is something that many of my readers might want to know
and that is how to find out if the other person is lying. As I had told you
earlier, the Net can be a very unsafe place and so we have to be absolutely
sure about the good faith of the other person before revealing any personal
details about ourselves. So the next part has been devoted specifically for
that.
4 Ways To Tell If Someone Is Lying
- As discussed earlier,
we are not going to resort to singles’ chat rooms dedicated specifically
to online dating. Instead we will be in chat rooms of specific interest.
So one very effective way of finding out if a person is lying would be to ask
the person very pointed questions about the area of interest. If the
person fumbles or gives vague answers then you do not have to waste your
time on such a person.
- Another thing that you
could do is that from the moment you first make contact, jot down whatever
details the person chooses to reveal to you and in subsequent encounters
nonchalantly question the person about the details, if there is a
contradiction in the two details then you can be as sure as pat that
the person is lying.
- Ask the person
seemingly general questions but which in fact should have a very definite
purpose,
for example ask the person what he or she is looking for in such a
relationship. Note down the answer. After two or three encounters again
repeat the question and see whether the two answers match.
- You could
try pretending that you have chatted with the person before and innocently
ask the person if he or she is such and such person (make something up)
and try offering compliments to the person like, “I really
enjoyed chatting with you the other day. You were perfectly charming…” and
so on. If the person falls for cheap flattery like this, then obviously he
or she makes it a hobby to chat with people under various identities.
And so the chatting goes on until the person really
grows on you. When you feel that you can really trust the person, you may try
giving the person your telephone number. Remember that this too is a giant leap
towards building a relationship so it’s better that you be sure than sorry.
The safest thing you can do about telephone numbers is
to mutually exchange it preferably at the same time, so that neither party is
at a disadvantage. It’s really no big deal, you can afford to tell the person
that you are just being wary, the person will understand. If he or she does
not, then there is a good chance that he or she will not understand a lot of
other things as well. In that case, dump the person.
Some Questions about this post
What is a blossoming relationship?
How do you know when it's time to let go of a relationship?
How do you let go of the past in a relationship?
How do you allow a relationship to grow?
relationship blossom quotes or blossoming relationship meaning or
blossom meaning or blossoming relationship synonym
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