Once you have started talking over the telephone, then
the relationship has already taken wings, then is no reason to postpone a
direct meeting. So what are we waiting for? But wait; there is no need to push
it. You should not sound over anxious to meet this girl or guy.
Let the decision to meet evolve over a number of
telephone calls. And there are certain things that you can bear in mind before
you really meet.
The Rendezvous
It is not advisable to invite someone home before you
have really met the person. You had better choose a public place preferably
somewhere where there are plenty of people around, just in case, you know.
That is why most couples prefer to meet in a
restaurant over lunch or dinner. There is one thing about having food together.
When people sit together and have food together they get to know a lot about
each other.
Table manners tell us a lot about a person’s
upbringing and background and you can learn a lot about a person by observing
him or her eat. The second thing is that warm food has a wonderful effect on
the human mind. It releases all those digestive juices and sets the tongue
wagging. People loosen up a lot, especially after a glass of wine or two.
The first mistake that most people make is that they
go under the wrong impression that a meeting, even the first meeting must end
up in bed. No, it does not have to be so.
There is no compulsion on your part or anyone’s part
that you have to take the person home with you. Just because you enjoy talking
or chatting with a person it does not necessarily mean that you have to sleep
with the person. Let that too evolve, so it is best to keep any such situations
that might lead to a bed room scene completely at bay.
So how do you do that? The first thing you should do
is that you should be clear about the time. Evenings are tricky times to meet.
If you have dinner together, then there comes the possibility of dropping the
other person home.
And of course you can’t just accept a ride and walk
away after being dropped without inviting the other person in. And then one
thing will lead to the other and then the inevitable is bound to happen. Of
course, if that’s the way you would like it to be then you just have to do what
I just told you not to do.
Lunch time is the best time because in the day time
most of us are busy with work and we can just spare an hour or a half for
lunch. So you can always leave on the pretext that you have to get back to work
or something like that. Very few people end up going home together after lunch.
Another thing is that at lunch the element of romance does not really come in.
Take care to be at the arranged spot on time, you
certainly do not want to keep a person you are meeting for the first time
waiting. Dress appropriately for the occasion, keep it simple but at the same
time it should be something that looks good on you.
Leaving Your Mark Behind
Now, suppose this date did work out as planned and you
really and thoroughly enjoyed the company of the other person you would want
the other person to remember you and think about you, wouldn’t you? So how do
you make sure that the other person does think about you?
The answer is simple. Just leave your mark behind.
Mind you, a business or visiting card is not appropriate here. It lends a very
formal color to the picture. Surely you do not want the person to remember you
for your credentials or your designation. Something more personalized would be
more appropriate.
Put your artistic and creative talents into full gear.
If you are poetic, you could pen down a few lines on a small card and hand it
to the person. Mind you, the lines should not be about the person, but about
general topics like friendship, relationships, togetherness, warmth, or
meetings. But do the writing in advance and keep it for the right moment. Do
not try to write a poem on a paper napkin with the person sitting in front of
you!
If you can’t write poetry, maybe you could get some
dried flowers and stick them onto a card and copy down the lines of somebody
else, but admit that the lines are not your to the person.
Keep such a token with you and wait for the right
moment. Just before you part, if you are sure that “this is the one”
then hand it over to the person with a very shy expression on your face and a
timid, “I made this for you…” Believe me, it’s miles better to say “I
made this for you” than “I bought this for you”.
So what happens if you are not too sure that you want
to see this person again? Well keep it with you itself and save it for the next
person.
If the person is the right person, and if you did hand
the person this personalized token, the person is sure to think of you in a
much fonder way.
Clothes Maketh A Man (Or Woman)
You do not have to be dressed to kill when you go out
to lunch. The best thing about lunch dates is that most of would be in our work
clothes and that saves us the agony of choosing the right thing to wear on a
first date.
A wonderful thing that you could do when going on a
fist date is to make it a group activity, preferably a foursome. This takes away
the awkwardness of the situation and definitely takes away all those
embarrassing moments of silence.
A group has another advantage in that lesser attention
will be focused on each other so that there is less stress and as a result both
partners would be more relaxed. It is also safer too, since there is safety in
numbers.
But the company to be included should be mutually
agreeable and not be thrust upon the other person. But take care to avoid any
person who you know to be a chatterbox; it takes all the fun away if one person
dominates the conversation.
You may drink if you want to, but do not drink too
much on your first date. Not only is it in bad taste but when you are drunk,
you might blurt out something which you didn’t mean to and that might ruin
every thing.
Footing the Bill
It is a good idea to decide before hand and
communicate your decision to go Dutch, which means that each person should pay
for whatever he or she has. That’s the way that it is supposed to be because if
nothing works out of this relation you certainly do not want to be obliged to
the person.
When you choose the place, avoid secluded spots and
places that you are not familiar with. But the ambience is indeed important.
You cannot expect to have a tête-à-tête in a crowded shopping mall, can you? I
think that is about it about your first date.
Many Dates
So what happens if you get more than one offer to date
at more or less the same time? Or in other words, what happens if you become
close to more than one person at a time? Hey, that is probably the very thing
we are looking out for. You could go on different dates and then compare for
your self and choose the best person.
You do not have to leap for the first person who
caught your fancy. You have the right to choose, so go ahead and do it. There
is no need to feel guilty about two timing any body as long as you do not
promise any one that you are not seeing any one else.
And what happens if you bump into date number one
while you are out with date number 2. Well, all you have to do is treat it as
the most natural thing in the world. Introduce date No.1 to date No.2 as your
friends and watch how they behave. This is an excellent way of finding out how
a jealous husband or wife may behave in future.
But what ever happens, a double date, that is going
out with two people together is completely out of the question!
Offline Dating: How To Make That Great Impression
When you are dating online, you have a lot of things
to your advantage. For example, the other person does not really see you and
you do not really have to bother about appearances. You can devote your entire
energy towards sounding intelligent and witty.
But when you are actually seated in front of a person,
there are a thousand things that you have to pay attention to. There are many
people who believe that it is not really important to keep up appearances. They
feel that it is more important to be oneself.
It sounds good enough. But on your first date at least
you certainly have to keep up appearances. The other person should not feel
ashamed to be seen around with you and so you should try as hard as possible to
avoid that faux pas.
Let us start with your physical appearance. While I
did mention earlier that you do not have to be dressed to kill, it is very
important that you have to appear well groomed. Take special care about things
like nails, hair, and teeth. Check for bad breath too because that indeed is
the worst turn off.
What you wear should not be loud and attract the wrong
kind of attention. Choose something that you are comfortable in and at the same
time that looks good on you. Ladies, please be careful about your make-up, and
remember that make-up is meant to accentuate your looks not to hide it. It is
best to avoid garish colors.
You should smell good of course but don’t over do it.
We certainly don’t want you to remain in the other person’s memory as just one
strong smell. Men, please take care to go in for masculine scents like musk, or
smells from nature. Women, keep it as light and dainty as possible.
The Secret is Charm
All the things that have been said so far are about
how you can create a favorable impression. There is something that is equally
or even more important than that, and that is to make the other person feel
comfortable. Help the other person relax.
Any way you have been chatting for quite some time so
you do know a great deal about each other. The best thing you can do is to ease
the tension and break the ice. Sometimes the ice gets so thick that you can
literally feel it. Break it up by cracking a joke or two.
But the joke should be spontaneous and in keeping with
the situation or else it will fall flat. Do not rehearse a joke because a
rehearsed joke sounds…well…rehearsed.
The key word here is charm. Use all the charm that you
can muster. Try to be as considerate and as thoughtful as possible. Do not
dominate the conversation but try to get the other person talking. People
generally love to talk about themselves so try to get the other person talking
by asking about the person’s work. Show interest in whatever the other person
says.
Try to be a good conversationalist. A good
conversationalist is not a person who talks well, but is one who listens well
as well. So try to be a good listener. And while you are listening try not to
get distracted by something else or the other person might feel that you are
losing interest in what he or she is saying.
Then comes the question, “what do you do if you find
that the other person is dominating the conversation?”
Well, in that case listen patiently for a minute or
two and then give a subtle sign like a raised eyebrow or a smile through the
corner of your mouth. If the other person is intelligent enough, he or she will
get the cue. If not, then take your chance, you might have to listen to this
person for the rest of your life.
Humor rarely fails. But again take care not to over do
it. There is only one thing worse than a total lack of humor and that is too
much humor.
Gifts?
It is a good idea to take a gift along with you as
that does create a good impression, but remember that when you are courting the
gifts should be limited to flowers or chocolates only. While you are chatting
try to find out what the other person likes in flowers and chocolates. You certainly
don’t want to give the person flowers that he or she is allergic to.
The object of your gift should not be to woo the
person but to create a good and lasting impression. There is no sense in
splurging a lot on your first date for there is no rule that every thing should
work out well the first time itself. Do not over do it and at the same time do
not appear cheap and stingy either.
However if the other person has
forgotten to bring you a gift, be quick to reassure the person that it is
perfectly alright. Do not let the other person feel uneasy. In fact, that is a
wonderful way to make the conversation light. You can jokingly tell the other
person to get you a gift the next time.
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