What many women don’t seem to understand is that men are
completely different. They process information differently, they relate to one another
differently, they express themselves differently. However, a woman who
understands these differences will become a priceless gem that men will adore.
John Gray, in Men Are from Mars, Women
Are from Venus explains it wonderfully: “Love is magical, and it can last,
if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these exact differences between men and women
that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice
versa.
Understanding Men
Yes, it is quite possible to understand men and it is
probably easier for us to understand them than the other way around. And no,
you haven’t stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone.
First of all, you need to understand that men are primarily
driven by success and accomplishment. They value tangible results, efficiency
and power and everything they do is geared towards proving themselves.
Men won’t sit around and talk about their feelings, instead
they prefer to engage in competitive activities where they can win. It gives
them the chance to show off their superiority over other males.
You won’t find a man reading the latest issue of People or
Cosmo but instead he will read the sports section of the paper or the news. He
cares little about romance novels because he is more interested in things
rather than feelings. And he likes things that help him express power, whether
a fancy sports car or the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Solutions vs Advice
Men are goal driven and they feel good about themselves when
they manage to achieve their goals because they prove that they are worthy and
competent. If they do so on their own then that is an even greater testament to
their power and strength.
Because men are hardwired to solve their problems on their
own they rarely talk about them. When they do, it means they need advice and
help.
If women can understand this side of men, then they will
understand why men hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. It
makes them feel incompetent and they feel that you don’t trust them to solve
the problem.
This is also why men tend to offer solutions when women talk
to them about their problems. It is because if another man were to share his
problems, it is an unspoken request for help so he feels honored to provide a
solution.
When he provides a solution for the woman he loves, it is an
expression of his love but when a woman gets upset because she perceives that
he isn’t listening or emphasizing he has no idea what he did to upset her. The
result is that he withdraws and basically blocks her out.
Dealing with Stress
Men also deal with stress differently than women do. A woman
will talk about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively know
that she needs a little support and understanding so they empathize. On the
other hand, men tend to withdraw and focus on a different activity so that they
can tune out their problems until the following day when they have to handle
them.
Unfortunately, most women think that he doesn’t care about
her or is ignoring her because he isn’t talking about his problems with her
when it’s simply a matter of how men deal with stress differently than women.
You have to accept the fact that it is unrealistic to expect a man to open up
immediately to you when he is stressed just as it is unrealistic for a man to expect
you to calm down and be rational and logical all the time.
You need to understand that if he withdraws to watch
football or read the newspaper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it simply
means he is very stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally and to
give him a little space. Also, if you ask for his attention in a calm and
relaxed manner you will find he will be much more responsive than if you start
the blame game.
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