Use Your Emotional Intelligence

 

How do you react when a date doesn’t go as planned? This is directed by your own emotional intelligence (also called “EI” for short). Not to be confused with IQ (your intelligence quotient that you are born with), EI can be developed as you mature.

EI, in its simplest form, is the ability for a person to decipher their own emotions, and understand the emotions of others.  If a person has high EI, they are able to use their emotions to process complex thoughts, enhance perception, express themselves more maturely, and more effectively manage themselves and others.

EI is the ability to maintain accurate awareness of your self. EI is also the ability to maintain a keen awareness of other people's verbal and non-verbal thoughts and feelings. 

Emotions are often realized through changes in expressed energy.  By noticing these changes in yourself and others you will raise your overall awareness and EI.

People with high EI are able to look at a situation from the other person’s point of view.  Dealing with a situation when you can see how the other person is feeling helps you handle issues like a mature adult.

Why is this important to your success when dating? Here’s an example:

The woman you have asked out on a date is late meeting you. Although she is usually very punctual, this time she is nearly 45 minutes late. A man with low EI would be angry and make a big fuss, requiring an explanation from his date that of course, will never be adequate. The date won’t go well because he is still stewing and making it an unpleasant time for the both of them.

A man with high EI will be able to understand that sometimes tardiness is unavoidable, and he will know that she feels terrible for being late. He will let her know its okay, and that he is sure that she feels bad about making him wait. He’ll accept her reason, especially because she is usually on time, and move on to enjoy the date.

For a mature and effective relationship, it is important that both people have high EI’s. This will ensure that they have mutual respect for each other, and that both people feel secure in the relationship.

The best way to use EI to your advantage is to tune into her verbal and non-verbal cues on your date. Do some homework before your date by watching your own non-verbal cues.  Look at your natural tendencies in interacting with your family, colleagues, or friends. Try asking for feedback from people that will be honest with you.  EI is the key to a satisfying, mature, and successful relationship. Investing some time in improving your own EI is well worth it.